This is the first time I have had a chance to post on this blog before, so I first want to express my deep appreciation to Larson and Isis for the posts they have made so far. I have been at the hospital most of the time that I am not sleeping or trying to keep our house running minimally, so I really haven't had time to do much else.

It has been a real journey the last ten days.....most of it pretty hard, but overlaid with hope and optimism. We have been lucky in so many ways: having our family all live in the area to support each other, great nursing and doctor staff, wonderful support from friends, and many other blessings along the way.

I am personally learning that I actually can use the left side of my brain more than the right at times, and that I can clearly focus my attention for a sustained time on what needs to be done, and what I need to learn in order for that to happen. My goal right now is to support Phil in whatever way he needs it, and advocate for him, and of course to let my love for him pour gently over him. I am so proud of our kids and how we have all pulled together to get through this. I am so glad that it turned out that Larson is both in medical school and is at school at UVM. And I am grateful that he is living with us right now. Phil and Shanin and the girls have been super helpful with meals and house and yard maintance, and Isis is an incredibly nurturing caregiver and supportive daughter.

Yesterday was a really difficult day, for the reasons that Larson wrote about. It was very hard to watch Phil suffer while he was struggling so hard to breathe. I could see that he was very scared, even though he wasn't responsive mostly. Today he is re-intubated and sedated, which is a relief to be around, but the pulmonary doctor just came in and said they were going to take him off the constant sedation, and give something as needed, because the outcome is better with patients who aren't constantly sedated when intubated. It makes me feel nervous that he will start to suffer again, or that he will be scared, but I also want to think long term. I am hoping and hoping that he won't remember any of this after he comes back to us in full. I have heard that he won't,and that's reassuring.

Again, our thanks to all of you who are sending us such positive and loving energy.